Move to the Sky

Keep my mind from wandering away

Thu, 01 Oct 2009 01:53:52 GMT

I was stupid for hoping anything would change.

Here's another stupid hope: I hope it's over soon.

I can't control how I feel, but I control this venue, so... I think now's a good time to end it.

Fri, 25 Sep 2009 12:59:35 GMT

When the gods communicate with you, they will do so through fortune cookies.

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 23:39:21 GMT

I qualified with a .38 today. I'll take a picture of my target later (I saved it). I scored 230/250 on the test, and man, was it fun.

Thu, 24 Sep 2009 13:56:42 GMT

Gun range day today. I'm going to test with a .38. I'm looking forward to it.

Tomorrow I go to switch my merchant guard license around. Then... more training... get uniforms... and two days off. Then I start on Monday. Start more training, that is. :P

I'm really enjoying this work.

From your bed I gained a day and lost a bloody year

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 00:29:23 GMT

I had a terrible anxiety attack today. Because my life is falling apart. I can't keep my shit together. Don't know what the fuck to do.

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 23:46:01 GMT

I went clothes shopping today! it was a lot of fun. I took my little brother, Jack, and we went around the Southlands mall. I got some new jeans, new shirts, socks, undershirts, belt, et cetera. I also ordered this shirt from SGR:

Pretty funny, eh? I had a good time today.

For Halloween, I'm going to make a plague doctor costume. That's gonna be fun as heck.

The way they were before they changed

Sat, 19 Sep 2009 04:31:17 GMT

I had my physical this morning. It was a lot different than I expected... first they had me ride a bike for five minutes, then lift a fifty pound box up to a high shelf five times... had to push and pull various carts... then they made me carry a thirty pound box around for a couple minutes. Pretty amusing!

So I start there on Monday, I think I've said... Training is from 8-5 for five days. It should be good. Seems like physical work, which I definitely don't mind.

It's very difficult to come to terms with breaking up. Some things have been helping this time around, though, most importantly Epictetus' Enchiridion. The opening sentence, "Some things are in our control and others not," puts things in a new light for me. I can't control how she feels about me, and trying to affect that will make me lament, as he says. But I can control how I react, and so I'm trying to... I don't know. I accept that things are not going to go my way and wanting it to be another way isn't going to change anything.

One of the quotes from the end of the book is very helpful as well. "I follow cheerfully; and, did I not, wicked and wretched, I must follow still." I don't have a choice in this situation and so I have to follow where it goes.

I'd like things to be different. But, this will turn out to be positive.

I think, tomorrow, I'll go out and buy some new clothes. That should be fun.

I long for bed, but not alone

I must follow

Fri, 18 Sep 2009 03:51:17 GMT

Part of being depressed, for me, is having to deal with it myself. I don't really have anyone to talk to, and even if anyone was willing, I would feel a lot like I was impressing upon them... I end up bottling a lot of things up. It's difficult and I pretty much always feel lonely. But this is... my life, I suppose. I must follow. We will, as always, be okay.

I used to write in my Livejournal a lot, because I had no one else to talk to. I'm a fairly solitary guy, although I don't know if it's an active choice I make. But it's nice to have a place to talk, even if it's into the Twisting Nether.

Tomorrow, I have a physical for my new job. Oh, I start a new job on Monday, driving an armored car. It's looking to be pretty sweet! I'm definitely looking forward to it.

I'm off of AIM and Skype. I spent... a lot, a lot of time there waiting for something. And I'm tired of it. I don't know what not being there will lead to, but at least it'll be a change. I probably will come back on, but I don't know when. I'm aware no one is reading this.

The reason I'm stuck in this situation for the second time has something to do with my inability to be social, and perhaps I will fix that now. The people I love keep moving on without me, and I'm... still here.

Wondering which of the buggers to blame

Wed, 16 Sep 2009 20:17:34 GMT

So, now that I've alienated that last person...

Tue, 15 Sep 2009 04:31:32 GMT

Something I'm coming to realize is... sometimes terrible things happen and the best you can do is accept it. Hoping and praying don't really do anything. Sometimes you can't take any action that would make things any better, and in fact, doing anything to affect the situation would only make it worse. So, I'm going to retreat and... do what I do.

But, like always, I'll be here.

Looks like I got that job, by the way. Would have been... just a few more months. Too late now.

Sat, 05 Sep 2009 16:20:27 GMT

So... I haven't put up a decent entry in some time.

I lost my job recently. I've applied for a bunch of new ones, but I think my best chance right now is this one at Loomis, driving an armored car.. should be fun.

To be honest, my life has been pretty terrible lately. It'll look up, I'm sure, but... I'm so tired. Of bothering. It's so much easier to just sit here and be alone. To go into work and do your eight hours and come home and not bother trying at anything else.

I'm not sure I'll be able to get back into college anytime soon. I'm not sure I really care either. I know I should. I'm just so tired of... everything. When I look inside I can see this vast well of hateful, bitter energy, but I don't want to be bitter my whole life, or to get through this issue with anger. That's just going to make me into Greg.

Don't really know what else to say. More to come, I'm sure.

Mon, 20 Jul 2009 08:07:30 GMT

Well, YOU'RE never too far away, are you.

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 18:41:08 GMT

Man, you should see these sunglasses, because they are pretty chill. They're not prescription yet though, so I can't see anything when I have them on... small sacrifice.

Life goes okay, although there's trouble in the house re: Andy. He was supposed to be home at 11 last night but got back around 5 am after stealing my mom's debit card (again), giving it to some kid, and letting him take $260 out of her checking account. So she's going to press charges, but Arapahoe county doesn't have enough people right now to take him in or investigate his case. So he's still here. He doesn't seem to care about the whole thing, althrough he threw a king-sized fit when she told him he had to leave and called the cops. Punched his suitcase and all that. I'm tired of this shit. I wish he would just go die. Seriously. I am seriously wishing death on him.

I'm doing well in school, so that's always good. Right now I'm gonna go play King's Field: TAC until it's time for work. Also: coffee.

Sooner or later, I will fail you

Sat, 04 Jul 2009 07:11:43 GMT

I got some SWEET ASS sunglasses in the mail today. I wish they were more coppery, because that's definitely a color I can get behind.

I'm fascinated with Steampunk stuff.

I just had the urge to learn how to type correctly.

I've been thinking a lot about my friendlessness. I don't really know how to say what I've been thinking. But I recognize some things, and so... I will continue to do nothing about it, I'm sure.

I got a lump in my throat
So I'll keep hold o' hope

Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:00:29 GMT

So it's going pretty well. I should be studying right now, but I felt like writing a little first.

I've been reading a lot of books recently, as I said last time. It's made me feel a lot smarter, and I definitely enjoy that. I've started on The Power and the Glory, and I'm REALLY enjoying that so far, so props to the one who recommended it to me.

Besides that, I heard on the news today that Lori Drew's case was thrown out. Here's a link if you don't remember what all that was about. It's distressing to me, because I do strongly believe that that woman had a lot to do with the girl's death, but the law she was being charged under didn't fit. It's a shame that she gets to walk free after her actions caused someone to commit suicide... it's a shame that there won't be any justice for that girl. So it goes. :P She just looks so smug... I'd like to punch that bitch in the face.

I'm all sore from yesterday's laser tag. I'd like a rest, but I guess it's time for me to go study now.

Once in love, it's more like a habit
Guess that's what I need to feel like me

Tue, 30 Jun 2009 03:36:15 GMT

This macroeconomics textbook is like a primer for Young Republicans. Ugh.

Mon, 29 Jun 2009 08:24:05 GMT

Not much to say recently. I've been reading a lot more, so that's good. I finished Slaughterhouse-Five around 2 am yesterday, and I finished Machiavelli's "The Prince" at work today. Slaughterhouse-Five was amazing. The Prince had some great, vicious advice on being a leader. Swaptree has got me lots of good books I can't wait to read... I have Genome and The Power and the Glory queued up to read next. Although I should do more homework.

School is going okay. I'm slowly getting better at focusing on my studies. I've been trying to eliminate distractions from my life... I quit WoW recently, yeah. That felt good to do. Hopefully I can stop slacking off in other areas. I'm a little ahead in math and a little behind in economics, although that's okay with me because I hate economics anyway... it's uninteresting middle-manager corporate crap. CRAP. Math is so much more interesting.

I'm not sure anyone reads this. Anyone who doesn't talk to me daily, that is. Which is fine by me. Although the limited human contact I have in my life makes it seem unreal. Almost like a game, and in games, nothing ever turns out wrong, and the way is always clear. I worry that I'm insane.

I discovered some things today. 1) A capella is a machine for destroying music that you love. 2) Ben Gibbard is the generic four-dollar version of Colin Meloy.

I'm crazy in love with this song. It's totally... amazing. Also, Erik Satie's Gymnopedies, those are great.

Miller moths are out in force this year. There's one in my room right now. I'm going to kill it dead just as soon as it shows its treacherous face.

EDIT: The moth is dead.

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted, I gave what I gave

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 05:26:44 GMT

I banned a kid from the mall today, that was exciting.

Thu, 04 Jun 2009 17:25:03 GMT

So, I've started trading things on www.swaptree.com. I like it a lot, except for the fact that about 80% of the stuff people have up for trade is Tom Clancy, Sue Grafton, John Grisham bullshit. You REALLY have to wade through the muck to find something worth trading for. But I've got pending trades for some interesting books, so overall, it's good.

Also, here's a fact: If you are a priest, and you spec Shadow, then you are a wuss. Get out of my face.

Sat, 23 May 2009 15:38:32 GMT

This job is bringing my lack of social skil into sharp relief. It's distressing.

Also, I can't stop listening to this song.

Tue, 19 May 2009 15:13:00 GMT

Terrible dreams last night. Not sleeping well. Grar.

Work is going well, except that my legs are sore as fuck. As FUCK.

Also, I am lonely. Come ye back to me.

PS: I got up today and all of my apple cinnamon cheerios were gone. That was annoying.

The prettiest whistles won't wrestle the thistles undone

Sun, 17 May 2009 05:01:30 GMT

If only I weren't so bad at being out in public, then I would have gone to a show tonight, but instead my irrational fear of the judgment of others kept me at home.

I wonder why I act this way.

Anyway, I got some books...

Yay.

Fri, 15 May 2009 06:18:13 GMT

Today was also awesome. I love this site.

Things I liked about today:

-Meeting a lot of interesting people. (CC was especially cool.)
-Seeing a cop (jokingly) chase a kid around, then take the kid's squirt gun and spray him with it.
-Being out in the sun.
-Wearing a silly hat.
-Drinking some beer. (Sapporo, because the late-night store doesn't carry Kirin anymore, the bastards.)
-Meeting Joe's girlfriend.

Joe and his girlfriend, Amanda, are the cutest couple I think I've ever seen in my life. It's so amazingly brilliant to see them together. Joe gets this incredibly goofy grin on his face, and Amanda perks up and gets all bouncy... it's amazing. I love to see it. That was easily the best part of my shift.

I feel so, so awesome... and I don't have work tomorrow. Life is so, so, so great right now.

Loosen your shoulder blades
This is your hour to make due

Specialization is for insects

Thu, 14 May 2009 19:59:12 GMT

Classes I would like to take:

Beginner hip-hop dancing
Hobbyist arc welding
Trumpet
Soldering
Combat shotgun
Motorcycle safety

Thu, 14 May 2009 05:58:20 GMT

Work was great. I'm happy.